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Rating the Bears’ 2022 Road Games Based on Food, Drinks, Adult Fun, Storyline Juiciness, and More

The Bears schedule IS OUT. And I’m ready to hit the road.

I’ve rated each of the Bears’ eight road games based on a personal formula that takes into consideration a handful of factors. Football is just part of the equation. Because if you’re going to travel, you’ll want to eat well, drink some quality beverages, and maybe even do some sight seeing. With that being said, we have much to discuss.

Week 2: Sept. 18 at Green Bay Packers, 7:20 p.m. (Sunday Night Football)

Food, drinks, and entertainment

The Packers are Green Bay’s main entertainment source. But if you’re one with nature and like the great outdoors, then maybe this is right in your wheelhouse. Thornberry Creek at Oneida is a public golf course that has hosted LPGA majors, if you want to hit the tees.

Green Bay is also home to one of my favorite spots, Cheesesteak Rebellion β€” a Star Wars-inspired restaurant. May the Force be with me next time I show up there if I’m wearing a Bears cap. There are also a handful of breweries I make sure to visit, including Titletown, Badger State, and Noble Roots.

Storylines to watch

β€’ It’s a revenge game for former Packers Luke Getsy (new Bears offensive play caller) and Luke Patrick (starting center). Welcome to the right side of the rivalry, folks.

β€’ Can the Bears offense put up as many points as they did last time they were in Green Bay?

β€’ Better yet, can the defense not give up as many points as they did to the Packers last time they were in Green Bay?

Overall score: πŸ§€ πŸ§€ πŸ§€ πŸ§€ πŸ§€

It’s the NFL’s longest-running rivalry. And you’ll want to be there in person for Justin Fields’ first win against the Packers.

Week 4: Oct. 2 at New York Giants, noon

Food, drinks, and entertainment

Storylines to watch

β€’ Giants GM Joe Schoen and Head Coach Brian Daboll had interviews with the Bears in the offseason, but didn’t get the jobs. Does this count as a revenge game for them?

β€’ Remember when the Giants traded out of having the opportunity to draft Justin Fields? Thanks, Dave Gettleman!

Overall score: 🌭 🌭 🌭

October in New York has the potential to be special. But that’s more of a baseball thing than a football thing. And because the ’27 Yankees ain’t walking through that tunnel, spending 3+ hours in New Jersey watching these two teams just doesn’t do it for me.

Week 5: Oct. 9 at Minnesota Vikings, noon

Food, drinks, and entertainment

The Juicy Lucy is one of the best burgers I’ve ever eaten. If you haven’t had one, the concept is mouthwatering. Imagine a beef patty that traps molten cheese inside the middle. Drool-worthy stuff.

The 5-8 Club and Matt’s Bar are the two places laying claim to being the burger OG’s. Why not try one from both?

Storylines to watch

β€’ Justin Fieldsvs. the team that tried really hard to draft him.

β€’ Ryan Polesvs. the franchise that really wanted to hire him.

β€’ Dakota Dozier revenge game?

Overall score: 🎺🎺🎺

I want to rank this higher because I think highly of the food and drink options. However, capping a weekend by watching Kirk Cousins ​​play football is an aesthetic I could do without.

Week 7: Oct. 24 at New England Patriots, 7:15 a.m. (Monday Night Football)

Food, drinks, and entertainment

Boston is one of my favorite cities that I’ve visited, but not yet made a return trip to check out what I missed the first time. And I packed a bunch into that 32-hour stint. It is a good city for walking, especially during autumn. The Samuel Adams brewery tour was an absolute treat. And visiting the original location of cheers was pretty cool, too.

It sure would be fun if this could’ve doubled as a trip to see a Cubs-Red Sox World Series, but *gestures at the NL Central and AL East standings* that doesn’t look like it is in the cards.

Storylines to watch

β€’ MacJonesvs. Justin Fields in what will be a preview of Super Bowls in years to come. Maybe not this year. But maybe later? It’s definitely happening in Madden at some point. That much I’ll assure you!

β€’ Bill Belichickvs. a second-year quarterback is the stuff that haunts my nightmares.

Overall score: 🏈🏈🏈🏈

Mind you, this ranking is four *DEFLATED* footballs. So while the overall score looks good, it’s not as filling as regular four-football rankings. But that’s how famous Sith Lord Sheev Palpatine football coach Bill Belichick likes ’em.

Week 8: Oct. 30 at Dallas Cowboys, noon

Food, drinks, and entertainment

Are you a history buff? Then maybe visiting the JFK museum is something you’d be into checking out. Want to see if Texas has better Mexican food than Chicago? I distinctly remember Avila’s Restaurant getting rave review on an episode of Diners, Drive-ins, and Dives I once watched with my mother. And I think I’m about ready to give Whataburger another chance, even if the first time was a disappointment.

Storylines to watch

β€’ Remember when Cowboys DC Dan Quinn was the front-runner to get the Bears head coaching job last winter? Fun times. Does this count as a potential revenge game?

β€’ Technically, it’s a revenge game for former DC Cowboys Matt Eberflus. Just saying.

β€’ How can the Bears steal the death star AT&T Stadium plans and put it to good use as they attempt to build their own state-of-the-art facility.

Overall score: 🀠 🀠 🀠 🀠

It’s been a while since the Bears have gone to Jerryworld out in Arlington. Maybe soon, the Bears will have one of their own. In Arlington Heights, no less.

Week 11: Nov. 20 at Atlanta Falcons, noon

Food, drinks, and entertainment

The greater Atlanta area has so much to do.

Want to eat great? The Vortex has a delicious burger, while friends rave about the hot dogs at The Varsity. On the touristy front, The College Football Hall of Fame, Georgia Aquarium, and World of Coke are all within walking distance of each other. And then there is Magic City, which features chicken wings so good, your favorite rapper raps about ’em.

Storylines to watch

β€’ Justin Fields returns to his home state to play against a team that passed on drafting him in favor of one year of Matt Ryan and a present future being led by Marcus Mariota.

β€’ How many ex-Bears will have the game of their lives against their former team? I feel like Ryan Pace and Ryan Poles need to have an arm-wrestling match at halftime.

Overall score: πŸ— πŸ— πŸ— πŸ— πŸ—

The in-stadium Chick-Fil-A being closed on Sunday almost cost the Falcons game a perfect score. But because Atlanta is a buzzing metropolis with so much to do, see, eat, and drink, it makes up for that minor inconvenience. Besides, you can do better than Chick-Fil-A anyway!

Week 12: Nov. 27 at New York Jets, noon

Food, drinks, and entertainment

The Jets, like the Giants, play football in New Jersey. Why they’re called the New York Jets befuddles me. Then again, after watching the Jets play the last few years, I wouldn’t want to associate with them if I was an actual New Yorker.

New York is an entertainment capital of the world. Whatever you want, it has it.

Storylines to watch

β€’ Zach Wilsonvs. Justin Fields will be worth the price of admission alone.

Overall score: πŸ• πŸ• πŸ• πŸ•

New York City, when transitioning from fall to winter in late November, is a beautiful place. Traveling the weekend after Thanksgiving isn’t ideal. Neither is spending too much time in Jersey. But this ranks slightly higher than the Giants game due to the Fields-Wilson factor.

Week 17: Jan. 1 at Detroit Lions, noon

Food, drinks, and entertainment

β€œTownhouse is a little bougie, but their brunch is dank and could be good pre-game food” is a review by a friend who knows the area gave me. And I trust their judgment enough to share that with you, our beloved readers.

Another friend raves about Detroit Wing Company, which sounds like a place for killer wings.

Detroit gets a bad rep in the eyes of some. But it’s the home of Motown and the inspiration for elite 90’s television sitcom Home Improvement. It can’t be that whack.

Storylines to watch

β€’ Will Dan Campbell assign someone to bite off our kneecaps?

β€’ The Lions will be locked into the top overall pick by this juncture of the season. Right?

Overall score: πŸŽ‰ πŸŽ‰ πŸŽ‰ πŸŽ‰ πŸŽ‰

Getting a score of five party favors has a lot to do with the idea of ​​a clean slate starting off the new calendar year on the right foot. But that β€œnew year, new me” diet will have to wait until after postgame.

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